Feed Me Peanut Butter and Tell Me I'm Pretty...

These past 30 days have been humbling to say the least. I went into this Core De Force workout program thinking: "I've done Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) workouts with Tony Horton before. I got this, it'll be fun." It's been fun, yes...and humbling. I thought I'd done every kind of push-up known to man with Tony and knew every jab, cross and hook. I also thought I had the relationship with my core (mid-section and mindset) pretty well-situated or at the very least, on the way there. I couldn't have been a bigger fool if I tried.

Watching a video of myself from day one had me laughing in major disbelief. Here's what I learned:

• I am stubborn (more so than I realized).

• I say "fuck" a lot, especially when I'm yelling at the trainer on T.V.

• I think I've got great form until I see recorded proof that suggests otherwise.

• I have not done every push-up known to man.

• I still have very little understanding of my core.

• I strongly dislike strict meal plans.

All that being said, here are some ways I feel I have grown in the past 30 days:

• My stubbornness and willingness to keep trying has given me some killer strengths in muscle groups I've barely been able to tap in the past and being stubborn in some areas is a good thing.

• Maybe my next vice-check should be curbing my foul mouth.

• Seeing my wonky form gives me an understanding of where improvements are needed.

• I can now do somewhere between 8-10 Sphinx Blasters on my toes when on day one I didn't understand what they were or how to do them.

• My core...that little bad boy is coming along. My husband and I have been calling our budding ab muscles "Lil Abner". I have a deeper understanding of how to tighten, how to turn, twist, rotate and how to engage my core. I don't just mean my midsection, I mean the core of my mind. I've been able to shift my perspective, open my mind and be willing to learn a thing or two. To grow, one needs to be open and listen. A workout program can do that? Yes, the physical work, the suggested reading for a healthy mindset coupled with the community I'm a part of has done that.

• The meal plans, dislike or not, they get me to where I want to be. If you have a car that runs on premium gas and you need to drive 50 miles, are you gonna put sugar in your gas tank? I hope not. Your body is the same. It craves, no wait, it needs good fuel. I understand this now and even though I want the dang cookie, wine and garlic bread all day, I won't be able to function at home, at my job or even be able to think clearly for myself as long as I'm fueling up on junk.

So in honor of my growth as a human being...instead of celebrating with junk and rewarding myself with something I've "gone without" for the past 30 days, I give you a healthy alternative. Try this. It's easy, healthier and so dang yummy I have to have someone hide them on me. Sinful Peanutty Peanut Butter Squares Nonstick cooking Spray 1-1/2 cups all-natural smooth peanut butter

1/2 cup honey (or organic maple syrup) 2 large eggs at room temp (or egg replacer equal to 2 eggs) 2 tsp pure vanilla extract

1/2 tsp baking soda Mix all ingredients in a bowl and spread evenly in a sprayed 8x8 glass dish or pie-shaped dish. Bake at 350 for 20-23 minutes. It will come out soft but as it cools it solidifies.

Have some peanut butter and tell yourself you're pretty. You're flawesome and doing pretty dang well.